We See the Giant and are Unafraid

One of the disheartening things in preparing for Chris’ deployment was that we got a lot of comments wondering how we were ever going to make it through or people sharing their worst stories about a friend they once knew whose life fell apart after deployment. It’s amazing to consider that someone might think the best things to tell us are the latest divorce rates in the military while looking at us with woeful eyes. This isn’t to say that these comments came from friends or family; mostly they came from unaware strangers who heard what we were facing.

Somewhere in the midst of these conversations I allowed myself to fall into a pattern of trying to convince people that we would make it through. I used all the cliché phrases like “we know it will be hard, but we’ll be okay” and “It’ll be challenging, but God is good” and I still say those things now from time to time. As true as those statements are, I felt like I needed to convince people around me that our marriage could survive deployment, taking on a passive nature to the conversation that in a roundabout way gave credence to their thoughts or those ever-popular statistics. Or maybe I just allowed myself to think that their comments needed as woeful an answer as the comment itself had been initially said to us. But, that was not where my heart was at. My heart was sure.

Then, I started thinking about David and the posture with which he faced Goliath. If you haven’t read the story of David and Goliath in the Bible, you should. It’s a good one! You can find it in 1 Samuel 17 and I have been thinking about that story quite a bit lately. David had no business even being at the battlefield, let alone on it, yet he took on this ogre of a man and he did it with unabashed confidence. His words are a battle cry, not an apology or an attempt to convince anyone of anything. It was victory being proclaimed before the battle had even begun because he believed in the victory whole-heartedly.

Now, that resonates with me as I think about our marriage over the next year! I have told a few people in the past couple of months that I am passionately ticked off fighting to prove that the army and deployment do not have to be a horrific season in a marriage. I want to be able to stand with others in the future and tell them that it is hard, but it is also good. I want to have a story to share that inspires hope and confidence because of what God has done with us. Sure, Chris and I see the giant; we are not naïve about what we’re up against…this giant is looking us square in the eyes, taunting us with little communication, loneliness, frustration, lack of understanding, impatience, busyness. We don’t deny the giant is there and we don’t pretend that it isn’t HUGE. What we do is proclaim victory over it in the name of the Lord!

David looked Goliath in the eyes and said “You come to me with a sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty…” (1 Sam 17:45)

I want to say to our giant called Deployment “You come at us from all sides with things small and large, but we come with the Lord God as our foundation, our Mighty Rock, our Fortress, our Strength, our Deliverer. We will NOT be taken down, but the Lord will be GLORIFIED!”

I will no longer try to convince people that our marriage will be okay, I will proclaim that it will be strengthened and sure. Victory is imminent because the Lord is on our side and we will not be shaken (psalm 62:6). Bumps along the way? Sure. Hard times ahead? Absolutely. Frustrating moments? Yup, still there.

 Defeat? A resounding NO WAY!

In the short time that Chris has been away, we already see God at work in each of us individually and even in our marriage. We are looking for the ways we see Him working because we EXPECT Him to. We are excited to see what He does and that gives us eyes passionate for our own growth and how that will play out in our relationship with one another.

There will be hilltops and valleys over the next 10 months, but in the heights as well as the depths, we will praise Him because He has set our foot on a rock and given us a firm place to stand (Psalm 40:2)! Chris and I move forward one step at a time with confidence and anticipation, watching to see how the Lord moves in our lives and in our marriage. Praise be to the Lord that we can stand in great victory because of His awesome name!

Deployment - Month Two

Whew, two months down! I will be honest, this month was tougher than the first for a few reasons; between Chris and I we have 6 family birthdays and an anniversary all within about a week of each other in December. That is a lot of events to be minus one. Then, you throw in Christmas and wowza…it only makes sense that it was tough.

I missed Chris in all the ways you would expect, in wrapping Brody’s birthday gift, helping him celebrate turning 4, cutting down our family Christmas tree, getting all of the decorations up, Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and all of the other little memories in between.

I definitely miss having an extra set of hands around the house and a co-parent by my side, but mostly I miss him in the every day. I miss sharing life with him because that is something he and I do really well. I wrote Chris an email today just to catch up and it was four pages long. How do you summarize all these little moments over the course of a week and many thousands of miles that you normally share in the passing of each day? My day-to-day looks so dramatically different from Chris’ that I wouldn’t even know the questions to ask him about his time there. So, I fill him in on life here, knowing that is what he needs to hear most anyway.

I have been able to talk to Chris a few times over the past few weeks, but they are short phone calls most of them lasting only a few minutes. It is so good to hear his voice, but it always leaves me wanting more talk time with him. I think it will be a strange adjustment when he comes home to have conversation around me all the time again. I wonder if I will be so used to the quiet once the boys are in bed that I will have to adjust to the noise of talking or if it will be so welcomed that I will just soak it all in.

This wasn’t a month of only bummers, however, and the boys and I had lots of fun along the way. I am finding ways to create memories for us here that are fun and distracting at the same time. Here’s a few of the highlights…

Getting our Christmas tree with Grandma!



Hot Cocoa after tree hunting with friends!




Polar Express train ride for Brody's birthday




Birthday privilege - licking frosting off the candles!



Christmas Eve at Grandma's house



Mickey's House (AKA: Disneyland) with SoCal family!




Beach Time!




Christmas at Grammy & Grandpa's in Cali!



So, now here we are in a new year…the same year that Chris will come home! That is a comforting thought and a positive note to end this second month of deployment on. I can say “My hubby comes home THIS year!” It’s all about finding those little silver linings. And, I continue to be grateful that I belong to a God that is solid and steady and cares for us with an overwhelming love!

Prayer requests for us this month:

• Pray for our hearts to stay strongly connected in this time apart. As hard as missing Chris is, I would never want to stop missing him because it reveals the depth of our connection to one another.
• Pray for Brody; he is processing and processing and processing all of this in his little world. I have just recently seen deployment come out in his imaginary play that a lot of his toys now have daddies that are at army work too. I appreciate this because it allows me to speak into those situations encouraging his ‘friends’ how to connect with their daddies and reassuring him that all these daddies will come home. He LOVES his daddy pillow (a pillow with daddy's picture on it to snuggle!) and I think it will be a fixture for him over the next year. Pray for Brody’s soft heart, that it would stay soft and yet not break. Pray that God will fill in the gaps for him as his heavenly Father.
• Pray for Caleb. He’s a trooper, but I can still see the ways he is missing his daddy. Pray for him to remain connected to Chris even though far away.
• Pray for Chris – pray for energy and clarity of purpose. Pray for his success and for solid relationships with his team. Pray that he would lean on God for every single thing he needs. Pray protection over his heart as a husband, a son, a friend, a daddy. Pray against discouragement and discontent.
• Pray for me – my prayer begins the same as for Chris, pray for energy and clarity of purpose. Pray for wisdom as I lead our boys through this season. Pray peace and protection over our home and peace over my heart.

Thank you all for the ways you are supporting our family; through prayer which is the most powerful weapon we have in this season, through care packages to Chris, meals and girl nights and babysitting for me. We love you all!