I feel quite confident that there will be many parenting adventures (otherwise known as growth areas, trials, challenges, etc) in the year to come, so I thought I would start this string of Adventures in Deployment Parenting.
The past week and a half, being away from Chris has really sunk in for all of us. We are three weeks into this first leg of pre-deployment training and we are just simply missing Chris. Caleb has been asking about Chris more often in this past week. “Daddy, army work?” is a question I hear about ten times each day. Before Chris left, he was home on summer break, so the boys and I would beep the horn when we came home from our day and Chris would come out to meet us. In the past week, Caleb has started insisting that I beep the horn when we pull into the garage in the hopes that it will make daddy appear at the garage door. When he doesn’t come out, Caleb says “Daddy’s sleeping” because that must be the reason he isn’t meeting us at the door.
Brody is the ever-caring big brother and makes note that whenever Caleb is upset (or in trouble) that he “must be missing daddy”. Seriously, Brody has got his brother’s back! I actually think it is Brody who is missing daddy most in those moments, but it’s easier for him to say that it is Caleb. So, we are all really missing Chris and counting down the days until he gets home next week for a 20 day stay until the big deployment day.
So, given all that, here’s parenting adventure #1: Giving grace in abundance without being taken advantage of.
It rightly tugs at my heart strings whenever Brody says that he misses his daddy, but I am trying to find balance in giving much grace knowing that he does truly miss his daddy, yet knowing that I don’t want “I miss daddy” to become a magical get-out-of-jail-free phrase that allows for bad behavior. Sometimes the intention of his words is obvious; if he’s about to get disciplined for something and suddenly says how much he misses his daddy, I acknowledge that I do too, but let him know that doesn’t change what just happened and the fact that I am going to address his behavior with him. Other times, I struggle to know if the extent of emotion that I see is due to Brody being overtired or if it is one of those instances where separation from one we love just hurts so much it cripples us for that moment. Those are the more difficult times to navigate as a parent. As alone as I feel right then and wish that Chris was there to parent by my side, I am at the same time so abundantly grateful that I don’t have to parent alone. It is in those moments that I can lead by example and go to our Father that never leaves us or forsakes us. Prayer is powerful and when we pray with our children and for them, something changes in us and something changes in them. I don’t always come away with a clear answer for what to do next, but I know that at least as I decide how to handle the situation, my heart is right. Prayer shows my son love in a way that nothing else can and it knits our hearts together in a way nothing else can.
So, it is still a process to know when to give grace and when to hold fast to boundaries, but at least I know I’ve got one great action step in my arsenal that is better than anything I can come up with on my own. Pray for me that I would always remember prayer first as I navigate the path ahead and pray peace for all of our hearts. We serve a mighty God who delights in the prayers of His children!
