The 3-Letter Word

Since getting the deployment news, Chris and I have thought about many things; milestones that will be missed, our time apart, the boys and their tender, little hearts, Chris living in the desert, etc. We have talked about our time away from one another, how to equip the boys well, details and emotions.

What I haven’t thought about is one short, little 3-letter word that holds a ton of weight…war. This word is just starting to creep into my thinking. My husband is headed off to war. Those are words I never used to think would apply to me. Before I got married, I never pictured myself as a military wife. Then, Chris joined the army. We made that decision together and we knew with confidence that this was part of what God had purposed for Chris to do; who He made him to be. Thankfully, I still know, with possibly even greater confidence that is true! The military has become part of life for us as Chris heads off one weekend each month to serve. But, war is something completely different. It is real and it is scary.

I am not overwhelmed by these thoughts, but they do bring a seriousness that is a good, healthy balance to the laughter about sandstorms and living in a world of one color palette (brown!). As I see news snippets from time to time about what is happening in Afghanistan, it is a sobering reminder for me to be on my knees in prayer for my husband. It is also a clear reminder of the impact that Chris will have while he is there. I know that God has BIG plans for Chris. We might be tempted to think that Chris is headed over to accomplish a mission laid out on paper, but I know that God has a much bigger and much more crucial mission that He wants to use Chris for. How awesome to consider all the people that Chris will touch and the opportunities to minister and show the gospel! Being in a war zone is serious, heavy stuff, but it is also a chance to bring true Hope to people who might be more receptive as they each deal with their own process of being away.

I never pictured being a military wife, but now, I couldn’t be more proud to count myself one of them! I recognize now that just as joining the army was a purpose God placed on Chris, being an army wife is a purpose that God has placed on me! I look forward to embracing that and learning what it truly means in the highs and in the lows.

So, pray for my heart as I process the thought of war. Pray that I would recognize that reality, but not get stuck there. Pray that God would already be preparing hearts for Chris to touch. Pray, pray, pray for our boys.

Magnified

With 5 months to go before deployment, our day-to-day life really hasn’t changed. Chris and I both still get up and go through the daily routine of work, marriage, parenting, household chores, etc. I am certain that this dynamic will change as deployment gets closer, but until then, life feels fairly normal.

There are some moments, however, that break through the normalcy and remind us what lies ahead. These scenes play out as if they are in slow motion or that we are looking at them through a magnifying glass. Moments that we often take for granted or situations that would seem sweet but normal take on more meaning now.

It happened a few times this past weekend. Chris sitting with the boys, all snuggled up in an oversized chair or family time in bed on a Saturday morning. Sure, we might have paused before and noted the sweetness of the moment, but now I grab the camera and click away to capture these memories.

It is as though the small things in life have become magnified. The sweet moments become memories to capture on film and not just in our mind. The challenging moments feel more overwhelming imagining them on our own, either here at home or in the middle of a dry desert. In some ways, this is wonderful – it highlights the things in life that are truly important. In other ways, living life interspersed with magnified moments can be exhausting.

I imagine this will be the pace of life with Chris away. The small things will feel bigger in both good and hard ways. The sweet, silly, fun snapshots will seem lacking somehow. I will want to call Chris and tell him all about the funny thing that Brody said or the hysterics that Caleb is causing; or better yet, tell him face-to-face when he gets home at the end of the day. Will these stories translate well over email or will I have to keep a list of them to share with Chris when we actually get the chance to talk? I also think of the moments when I want to pull my hair out, when the boys are being mischievous or they are both sick and I just need a reprieve. Scripture is so right when it says in Ecclesiastes 4 that:

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Celebrating and commiserating will look differently in the season ahead as we learn to do those things long-distance and with others around us. I already look forward to the time when Chris’ homecoming is magnified and looming huge on the horizon – I will be ready with my camera then too!

Puttin' On My Green Jacket

A number of years back, Chris and I heard a sermon by our friend Mike, and it has stuck with us and comes up in our conversations from time to time. Mike referred to one of the stars of Rocky 2 in the end scene when Rocky is running through the city. Watch here if you haven’t seen it:

Did you notice the little girl in the green jacket? You didn’t?? Watch it again and notice her coming up on the left-hand side of the screen after Rocky runs up the stairs (about 2:24 into the clip). Wow, talk about the role of a lifetime for that little girl – she gets to run up, surround this amazing, superstar of a person and cheer him on for all of about 3 seconds!

Okay, so maybe she is not the star of the movie, but as Mike talked about this clip, he likened this little girl to our purpose here on earth. In James 4, God tells us that our lives are “just a vapor that appears for a little while and vanishes away.” Sobering thought. Likewise, all throughout scripture, it is clear that our purpose in that short amount of time is to bring glory to God so that others might come to know Him. We ARE that little girl in the green jacket, only we aren’t praising Rocky, we are praising the living God! Our lives are like that little 3-second blip on the movie screen and our greatest purpose is to run around, screaming and cheering on the name of the Lord! Can you imagine if that little girl had just pouted her way through the scene or stomped her feet in defiance? She would have missed her opportunity to do what she was purposed to do in that movie. I do not want to miss my opportunity in this short life to rejoice, cheer and lift high the name of the Lord; sometimes even running around with a crazy grin on my face shouting at the top of my lungs!

This view of life also helps me look ahead to the journey set before our family. I want to view this season of deployment as our three seconds to display our joy in the Lord and to cheer for His amazing works in and through us! Nehemiah says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. That is my banner verse for this year. Notice that it doesn’t say that the joy of the Lord will be my strength only when Chris returns or only when this trial is over. It says that the joy of my Savior IS my strength- today!

It is so easy to slip into the mindset of enduring Chris’ deployment, simply making due. I know there will be days that will be hard and there will be times when I am just tired; tired of being alone, tired of parenting on my own, tired physically. But, I am choosing to defy living in an enduring mindset! I am trusting and claiming that this will be a season where God is glorified in us and through us, even in the midst of challenges and growth. This will be a time to praise and glorify the Lord in the valleys and the hills. As much as possible, I want to be that little girl in the green jacket screaming my head off about how good God is, how faithful He is and how overwhelming His love is, especially in the challenging times.

Now, watch the Rocky clip again and see yourself as that little girl jumping up and down in excitement for the Lord - it'll get you fired up!

When Practice Doesn't Make Perfect

Between now and when Chris leaves for Afghanistan, he has a number of short trainings to attend that last anywhere from a long weekend to two weeks. My initial thought about these short trips was that maybe they would help me be more prepared for when he leaves in September; that they would be good practice. I was definitely wrong. Chris has been away for three days now and one of the things that I love about our marriage is that we still hate being away from one another, even for just one night. So, while practice might come in handy to begin new routines for just me and the boys, there is no way to practice missing someone. There is no amount of time apart that will make it feel normal. Routine maybe, but normal? Nope. That is a sobering thought as we face so much time away from one another. For fourteen months, missing him will not get easier, it will simply be a part of every day.

As I have recognized this and sat with it the past few days, it began to feel like I was suffocating a little bit and I felt despair sinking in. Then, I realized that in this next season God will become real to me in deep and personal ways because He will have to. I will have to cling to the Lord with everything in me and allow Him to be my confidant, my companion, my support. Words like dependence, surrender, reliance, trust and hope all become necessary lifelines and look like water in the desert. Immanuel, God with us – oh, how I love that and cherish that God will be with me, Chris, Brody and Caleb each and every day!

This is the pace of life these days; recognition of some difficult part of the road ahead, grief for what that experience will be, then a pendulum swing to God’s loving arms that can handle it all and provide exactly what each of us will need in every moment of that fourteen months. Peace and confidence floods in as I remember that He is in control and we are simply walking in His plan.