Walking on Water

Let me start off by saying that I am a planner. I like to be in control, I like to know where my day, my week, my year is headed at least in a general sense. I have learned to be more flexible, especially living with Chris who is a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. But, I still like to know what is up ahead and have a sense of the plan whenever possible.

I have been asked a lot lately if Obama’s declaration last week to get troops out of Afghanistan by next September affects Chris’ deployment status. Let’s just say that communication is not the military’s strong point and Obama didn’t give us a personal call to let us know what will happen. We are still under all assumptions that nothing has changed for Chris’ deployment – change, if it happens at all, happens slowly and Chris is part of a unit that tends to go in on the tail-end of things anyway. But, we don’t really know anything right now. We don’t have Chris’ official orders yet and at the same time, we have nothing indicating that his deployment has changed.

So, in the midst of the unknown, we continue to walk ahead. We do not let ourselves stop or get complacent; we put one foot in front of the other each day heading towards what is unknown. I should know by this point in my Christian walk that God likes to take us out of our comfort zone to grow us into who He desires us to be. Our life right now is no exception and I can clearly see God challenging me beyond myself.

I don’t know the plans and I don’t have any control over them anyway, so now I have to begin to truly trust. I used to hate those games that we played in junior high where you would have to trust someone to lead you around blindfolded or fall into someone’s waiting arms without looking. I trust fairly easily in the basic day-to-day aspects of life and relationship, but when it comes down to true, utterly dependant trust where myself or my ability to control is at stake, I struggle a bit.

I realized this past weekend that right now, trust is all I have…and amazingly, I’m not afraid. It is only by God’s wonderful grace that I can say that I am being transformed from fearful trust-er to joyful follower in this season. I have no idea what plans lay ahead, but I’m walking forward with my eyes on the only One who can keep me afloat. In Matthew 14, Peter steps out of the disciples' fishing boat to walk on the water towards Jesus. He is able to do this only as long as he keeps his eyes (and his faith) in Christ and doesn’t allow the fear of his surroundings drown out his focus on the Lord.

So, that is where I (and we) start. We walk forward following the Lord and trusting Him to take us where we need to be for His plan, not necessarily our own. I have a feeling that trust is a lesson I need to learn now because it will certainly be tested in the year to come. I am overcome with the desire to chase after the Lord with all that I have when Chris is away and to run after Him joyfully. I don’t want to get stuck in the crud that is me, but I want to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus who will keep me afloat.

Thank you, Abba for being my solid ground and for holding our future in Your hands!