When Practice Doesn't Make Perfect

Between now and when Chris leaves for Afghanistan, he has a number of short trainings to attend that last anywhere from a long weekend to two weeks. My initial thought about these short trips was that maybe they would help me be more prepared for when he leaves in September; that they would be good practice. I was definitely wrong. Chris has been away for three days now and one of the things that I love about our marriage is that we still hate being away from one another, even for just one night. So, while practice might come in handy to begin new routines for just me and the boys, there is no way to practice missing someone. There is no amount of time apart that will make it feel normal. Routine maybe, but normal? Nope. That is a sobering thought as we face so much time away from one another. For fourteen months, missing him will not get easier, it will simply be a part of every day.

As I have recognized this and sat with it the past few days, it began to feel like I was suffocating a little bit and I felt despair sinking in. Then, I realized that in this next season God will become real to me in deep and personal ways because He will have to. I will have to cling to the Lord with everything in me and allow Him to be my confidant, my companion, my support. Words like dependence, surrender, reliance, trust and hope all become necessary lifelines and look like water in the desert. Immanuel, God with us – oh, how I love that and cherish that God will be with me, Chris, Brody and Caleb each and every day!

This is the pace of life these days; recognition of some difficult part of the road ahead, grief for what that experience will be, then a pendulum swing to God’s loving arms that can handle it all and provide exactly what each of us will need in every moment of that fourteen months. Peace and confidence floods in as I remember that He is in control and we are simply walking in His plan.